Warning. Stop reading if you have a penis attached to your body. This will not interest you and will probably just gross/freak you out. Move along males, nothing to see here.
I am never late. Not to meetings. Or to parties (much to the chagrin of the party thrower). Not to movies. Not to menstruating. Every 29 days. Clock work.
The first time I was “late” I didn’t even have a chance to be “late” because I already knew I was pregnant. I know my body. Nothing surprises me*. A week before my period was due I was shoveling oatmeal in my mouth, hoping it would stay down and mentioning to a friend that I thought I could be, even though I already knew I was. So at 3 days before my period was due I was not surprised that the pregnancy test came back positive. And when I took the test again at 2 days until it was due I was not surprised. When I paid the extra money to get the digital test (with words instead of lines) and it came back “pregnant” I was not surprised. I was not surprised at the results of any of the 5 tests I took.
And when a few weeks later my symptoms disappeared overnight I was not surprised that I started bleeding.
That was two years ago. Every month since then has been an emotional roller coaster ranging in size from a Little People roller coaster (that would be very small) to a Kingda Ka roller coaster (0 to 128 mph in 3.5 seconds and catapulting you 45 stories into the sky before you plunge vertically into a 270-degree spiral. In less than a minute.)
Every 29 days for the last two years my pre-period symptoms almost *exactly* match what my pregnancy symptoms were. I don’t remember that happening before. Maybe it did. But. No. It didn’t.
Every month is the same:
“am I?”
“nah”
“bummer”
“am I?”
“no”
“oh thank God.”
I really don’t spend a lot time thinking about it but it does randomly flow in and out of my brain. Helped, in part, by well-meaning and inquisitive friends, many beautiful babies/toddlers/children and pregnant friends in our life, and the way too frequent “mommy blogger” conversations around these here internet parts.
This month I was 6 days late. And I had all the symptoms. I’m used to that. I have grown accustomed to the nausea, the sleepless nights, the frequent urination, heightened sense of smell, the feeling of glass shards grinding into my nipples (that should yield some interesting search results leading people to the blog.).
Having the symptoms was normal. Being late was not. The other thing that was just off this month was that I totally lost track of when it was due. Really unlike me*. I had to go back through my calendar and look at the events and try to remember if I was on it at any of them. That method worked and I realized I was late.
huh.
So last night, 6 days later than expected, I sorta kinda started my period. But it’s different. Different color. Different consistency. It starts, it stops, it starts. It was LATE. There are no cramps, none of the other pains that normally drive me to tears and to bed. It’s just different. So even though I was already bleeding I decided to test. I knew it would be negative but sometimes, even when you lose the pregnancy, the test will be positive and I figured I should know for future doctors’ visits*.
Negative. The test was negative. I figured it would be. I had all of those symptoms but they went away the same time they normally would have.
I feel like it could be time to make some decisions. I feel like this was some sort of sign. I’m going to be 37 in 60 days ** and I’m not getting any younger. Husband’s not getting any younger and he’s 7 years not getting any younger than I am! We’re one of those annoying couples who is “not trying yet not not trying” either.
So. Either we need to try. Or we need to stop not trying. Is it time for that decision?
It was also a sign that I need to continue making improvements to my health but that is for another post because this one is already over 700 words. sorry about that.
*I’m really kind of a control freak
** I like South American dark chocolate and the color red
related – I should probably not be allowed to blog when Husband is out-of-town.
I would love to hear your thoughts… either in the comments or email via cindy[at]girlvaughn[dot]com or below through the contact form
. You’re the best and that’s not just the wine talking!
